I’ve been reading up on sexuality a lot recently. Currently I’m reading The Ethical Slut (which I really like by the way) and the authors talk a lot about communication as part of living a pleasure-filled life.
So I started thinking about communication and I came up with 3 C’s that I would want any potential lovers to follow.
The first is Condoms. No condoms, no love. That’s non-negotiable. I don’t care if we both haven’t slept with anyone in a while, if we both know that we’re clean, if (s)he’s a virgin. No condoms, no sex.
The second is Consent. This is vital in any communication, but especially when it comes to sex. Don’t assume anything. Ask before you take the first step, and the next step. Don’t assume that because I said yes yesterday means that I’ll say yes today. Ask if you want to do something that we’ve never done before. It might seem counter-intuitive, but I’ve always found that finding out what someone likes beforehand always makes it a more erotic experience.
The third is Courtesy. This is one of my pet peeves, and rather personal to me. If we make an agreement to go somewhere or do something, including having sex, and something happens so that plans have to change, don’t leave me hanging in the balance. Send a text, a FB message, call. Don’t wait until the last minute or till the time has passed before you contact me to say you can’t make it. Them is tings to make me not want you back in my bed.
Also remember that in sleeping with you, I am allowing you access to my body and I can take that access away at any time, so treat it like the precious thing it is.
Well. That’s what I’ve come up with so far in my thinking. I’m not saying I’m done, I’m not by a long shot, but for me to be responsible for my sexuality, these are important things to think about before I sleep with someone.